I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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