You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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