I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
