you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
