I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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