Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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