I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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