just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
