I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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