I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
