ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I came so hard my ears popped.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
