just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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