He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
