somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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