And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
