Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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