I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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