At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
