my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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