I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
