I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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