I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
