why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
