I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
