I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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