when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
