when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
