Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
