the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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