I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
