I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
