im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
