Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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