Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
