You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
