Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's blow job season.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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