I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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