Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
