Who did Billy Mays play for?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
