TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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