its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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