You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
