Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
