I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
