so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
