hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
