Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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