I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
