A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
