She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
