textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
